Monday, March 9, 2009

the t@lk

one day bila saya balik ke rumah, slalu saya terpikir…how pity i’m? p.o.o.r huh!?! i can’t standing alone for along time…gosh* ~ nak la merasa bila balik dari opis tu ada org sambut kat depan pintu rmh and make a coffee for me, massage my back and share all de story-mory each others right? pwoooorrrhh…i need a fresh air now, so can i ask diz question to “kak sri siantan” huh?

how do i know if he’s my boyfriend?

“first of all there is nothing irrational about what you are thinking. in fact, in my opinion you seem quite rational. you are not making any assumptions about the nature of your relationship with this guy and that is good. you know what you want and that too is good. finally, you know that you’ve reached a point in your mind and in the relationship where things need to be defined or they need to end and that is very good. you know your boundaries and you won’t compromise them and that shows a maturity that many adult people don’t have. congrats on that! pat yourself on the back, take a deep breath and pay close attention to the rest of what i am about to tell you. ready? good! here we go…

from what you have told me this guy is not yet your boyfriend. even though the two of you play couple you just haven’t had a meeting of the minds on whether or not you are exclusive. that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with taking things slowly. now the question is can slowly be too slow? is there a normal pace at which relationships should be moving, a sort of timeline of milestones if you will? no, there is no normal pace. relationships move at different speeds for many reasons and there is no one way of playing it out that is “normal” or “best.” but what is a good gauge of where a relationship should be at any given time it is your gut feeling. your gut feelings are your inner guide, they let you know when you are ready for or needing a change of pace and they are what you should listen to when deciding if it’s time to initiate a move to a new phase in your relationship. right now i’d say your gut is telling you to move things along and there is only one way to do that. yep, that’s right, it’s time for the two of you to have the dreaded “talk.”

why people fear “the talk” has always been a bit of a mystery to me. i’m a plan for the worst hope for the best kind of boy myself and as such i find that good news or bad i just want to know what i’m dealing with. but for many people “the talk” is a frightening ordeal. this is probably because these people fear the answer that they don’t want to hear and this fear of rejection (or fear of having to do the rejecting as the case may be) can be very disconcerting. so that being said here is the most important rule about having “the talk”… never, ever initiate the conversation until you are ready to deal with and accept the outcome you fear the most. if you’re not ready to deal with this guy telling you that he doesn’t want to make a commitment to you don’t ask him to define your relationship. it’s that simple. but if you’re ready to deal with the rejection then go for it, initiate “the talk.” it is the only way you will ever be sure.

so there you have it, in order to know where your relationship stands you have only one choice, you have to ask. you have to have “the talk.” just one caveat, as ready as you feel you may be to deal with rejection be just as sure that you are really wanting a committed relationship with this guy. be sure you are having “the talk” because you feel ready to move things to the next level and not because you feel like you should be moving things along. don’t put the pressure on just because you think that 2 months is enough time to be in a casual relationship. if casual is still working for you just let it slide. don’t worry what the rest of the world is doing, don’t fret over how your friend’s relationships have played out in comparison to yours, just worry about what makes you happy. if what you are doing with this guy right now makes you happy why rock the boat? only you can know when you need to pick up the pace and define your relationship and only you will know when the time is right to put it all out there. bottom line in matters of the heart, trust your inner guide, your gut, because it’s rarely wrong.”

your beloved ~ still missin' you : )


  1. cham's : ermm.. dah pernah alami.. and 'the talk' i had.. usually get the -ve answer.. so now.. afraid to have 'the talk'.. ,just gonna go with da flow.. huhu... me = pathetic..

  2. To be, or not to be; that is the question?;
    Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
    Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
    And by opposing end them?
    To die: to sleep;
    No more; and by a sleep to say we end
    The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
    That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
    Devoutly to be wish'd.
    To die, to sleep;
    To sleep: perchance to dream:
    ay, there's the rub;
    For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
    When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
    Must give us pause: there's the respect
    That makes calamity of so long life;
    For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
    The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
    The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
    The insolence of office and the spurns
    That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
    When he himself might his quietus make
    With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
    To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
    But that the dread of something after death,
    The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
    No traveller returns,
    puzzles the will
    And makes us rather bear those ills we have
    Than fly to others that we know not of?
    Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
    And thus the native hue of resolution
    Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
    And enterprises of great pith and moment
    With this regard their currents turn awry,
    And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
    Be all my sins remember'd.

    And the main question...
    To be or not to be?...

  3. thanks abg cham...
    tp jim mmg dah xde masa nk turun KL utk cari info tu...
    ape yg jim harapkan,someone leh emailkn je info tu kat my email..